sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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