So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
