hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
