i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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