Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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