what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
