if you like me you must not know who I am
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
