Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When are your genitals available?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
