I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i think i have two assholes
do herpes really smell.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
