I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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