My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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