I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
