I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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