fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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