we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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