Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
