I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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