dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
