all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
