im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
