yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Drunk is a universal language darling
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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