Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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