Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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