And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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