Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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