So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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