i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
