dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
