I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
