In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
