My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
