I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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