Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
