I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
