So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
