Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
