we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
