Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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