Yo dont text me then not text me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
