Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had to cum in my sink.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
