when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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