apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
