I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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