my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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