I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
