How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
