im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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