I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize