cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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