nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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