I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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