I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
