Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
