Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
