My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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