if only i could text you this smell
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
