Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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