Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
