he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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