You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
COCAINE IS GR8
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
