Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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