You made me cry and you don't even care
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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