i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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