i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
