I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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