WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
