Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
