what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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