I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
