sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me I should be a condom model.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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